A Liturgy for This Election Week

Lord, we are tired.

We are tired of waiting.
We are tired of hearing.
We are tired of seeing.

In our tiredness, we feel the same temptations grow.

The temptation to not temper our words.
The temptation to cling to passions instead of truth.
The temptation to trust horses and chariots instead of You.

So Lord, guide us.

When we hear misinformation,
help us tell the truth.

When we feel fear,
give us Your peaceful presence.

When we lose hope,
renew our spirits.

When we don’t know what to pray,
pray for us.

When we grieve,
remind us of Your Kingdom coming.

When we celebrate,
let us see the work still yet to be done.

In this moment, in this week, in this waiting period,
be with us, within us, and seen through us.

A Liturgy for Those Whose Hopes Have Been Dashed

“We had hoped…” 

Oh Lord, I wish it were so,
that I didn’t have to live between the Kingdom to come and this one,
that I didn’t have to know the burn of hoping for something good
and not having that hope realized. 

That I didn’t have to catch cries in my throat.
That I didn’t have to grieve what never was.
That I didn’t have to spend so many hours imagining a future I thought would come.

And yet, here You find me:
wondering about You,
questioning Your goodness,
Your plan,
Your attentiveness;

Suddenly aware of a Jeremiah 29:11 faith
that didn’t take into account
a world so unpredictable,
bodies so frail,
emotions so fraught,
futures so uncertain.

Lord, hold me.

When my emotions can’t handle this broken world:
Hold me.

When I have no words for prayers:
Hold me.

When the future seems bleak:
Hold me.

When I dismantle the spaces I created for what I thought would come:
Hold me.

When I deliver the news I never thought I would have to:
Hold me.

This moment reveals my weakness,
my unpreparedness,
my frailty,
my humanness,
and I cringe at the thought that I’m not enough to face this alone.

“Yet I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

Though I despair, I will hold on to hope.
Though I doubt, I will trust what I know.
Though I weep, I will hold out for joy.
Though I worry, I will trust that You are with me.

You are with me:
in this moment,
in this depth,
in this silence,
in this room,
in this future,
however unknown and terrifying it may be.

And so, I will trust You.
I will trust that You cannot be shaken as I am;
That this foundation will yet still hold me,
and everything I bring to it as a result of this moment.
I will trust that You not only listen to my cries,
but love my honesty;
That You come close to my pain
even when it feels foreign.

In the aftermath of this moment,
in the rubble of hopes dashed,
I will hold on to the only thing I know: You.

A Fall Liturgy

Lord of Creation,
of color-changing trees,
crisp air,
warm apple pie,
and the breeze that brushes my face,

You have designed this world miraculously.
You have designed this world to spin in such a way
that I get to experience seasons:
the sweaty, sticky summers,
the blustery, cold winters,
the sweet, blooming spring,
and this crisp, cooling season – fall.

This season reflects so much of what I know to be true
about You and this world You’ve created.

It reminds me of Your creativity,
splashing oranges and reds and greens all around me.

It reminds me of Your call to
taste and see that You are good.

It reminds me of the garden that was
and the garden that is to come,
and I’m overwhelmed by the promise.

This season reminds me that you are a God
who can still make something beautiful out of death.

And so, in this season,
may my delight at what I see heighten my sense
that there is still something better to come;

may my moments of rest
restore my soul for another day of doing Your work;

may my preparation for winter
help me create spaces of warmth for me and those I love;

may the adventures I go on
stockpile laughter and joy for the hard seasons.

God, guide me in this season,

and use Your creation to remind me that there is a time to hold on
and a time to let go.

Let go:
of the dead weight
of expectations, schedules, timetables, pressures;
my own pretentiousness and pride;
grudges, fears, feelings of inadequacy;

and to see what You can do with a life laid bare.

So take these moments –
the hikes, walks, drives through forests of colors —
and consecrate them to You,
that they would be holy moments between You and I.

Private Vote, Public Witness

My friends are walking away from faith.

Whew. That’s hard. Hard to see, hard to talk about, hard to write.

Overwhelmingly, the conversation about their exile from Christianity is centered not around a disillusionment with Jesus, but around His followers; not around His words, but around ours; not around His laws, but around the rules that have seemingly been added on by us. And so, in many ways, I understand. And I don’t blame them, though I wish they could stay.

So this post is more love letter than lament; more exhalation than condemnation. It’s to the church – those of us who, no matter denomination, cultural or ethnic background, political party, or location, claim Jesus as Lord. It’s full of hope for what could be, and encouragement for what we could show the world. And it’s centered around our political engagement, since 1 in 4 cite politics as a main reason for their leaving.

Church, we need a better witness right now.

In the middle of an already divisive season, our voice has often been used more to mock our political opponents than provide Biblical witness to policy specifics. Our memes have simplified complex issues into soundbites. We’ve engaged in Facebook battles where we’ve diminished the image of God in others—friends, family, and strangers—by name calling, rough language, and dismissive attitudes. Rather than reach across the aisle, we’ve built higher walls.

We’ve become more known for what we’re against than for what we’re for; we’ve drawn our partisan lines and called those who disagree ‘heretics;’ we’ve contributed to brokenness instead of healing it.

And for those things, we lament. We lament that, in the middle of partisan battles, we’ve provided a witness to the world of a broken, divided, divisive church. We lament that people have left the church, not because they’ve lost Jesus, but because we’ve lost them. We lament that we’ve failed to consider that there’s more at stake when we speak publicly.

Our vote is private. But our witness is public. And so, what are some overriding principles for us this political season?

How We Talk About Our Political Opponents Matters

“But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator.” (Colossians 3:8–10 ESV)

In a season marked by conspiracy theories and memes fact checked as false, there’s an opportunity for Christians be even more cautious when it comes to spreading false information, demonizing our political opponents, simplifying complex issues, and sharing soundbites over substance.

In Scripture, followers of Jesus are repeatedly called to exercise wisdom over all things, but especially over our tongues (see James 3). When we intentionally engage in lying about our opponents or exaggerating our claims about them, when we spread misinformation or engage in baseless conspiracy theories that have no grounding in reality, we sully our credibility and dishonor others’ right to have the truth told about them.

In this season, we should not only do our own fact-checking to ensure we’re spreading truthful, honest, and helpful information, but we should be the first to repent, apologize, and delete when information we thought was true is proven to be false.

How We Talk To Our Political Opponents Matters

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.” (Matthew 5:21-24 ESV)

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is terrible advice made up by someone who was probably trying to convince themselves it was true despite all evidence to the contrary. Our words matter. What we say to one another – whether in person or online – reveals the state of our heart and hits to the core of someone’s identity, so we ought to be cautious what we say.

This is especially true when it comes to what we say when we disagree with one another. When Jesus, in Matthew 5, was taking the words of the Torah and bringing them into fulfillment, He took the passage on murder and extended it to say that even insulting a brother (or sister) by calling them a fool was akin to engaging in physical murder. Why?

Our words divide relationships, plant seeds of doubt, and speak against what we know to be true – that all people are made in God’s image and are worthy of being treated as such. Because we’re called to a higher standard than the world at large, we’re called to correct misinformation, share an opposite view, or ask good questions without name calling, degrading, belittling, or mocking. We owe one another a reminder of their dignity and identity, not a diminishing of it.

Who We Vote For Matters

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.” (Proverbs 6:16-19 ESV)

While there are no perfect politicians, there are minimum standards for that the Bible points to when it comes to evaluating good leaders: wisdom, as demonstrated in words and actions; an ability to listen to wise counsel and associates; self-control; ones ability to make peace instead of stirring up conflict; hating evil and pursuing good; and an attitude of humble servanthood, among others.

In an essay, Michael Austin, the former president of the Evangelical Philosophy Society, wrote: “Humility is a central virtue for leaders, because it restrains the ego, undermines the vice of pride, and sets the stage for many other virtues. A lack of humility in any person, especially a person of power, should never be taken lightly. This is especially true for those of us who follow Jesus, the paradigm example of humility.”

Ignoring character for the sake of political expediency is foolish. If we wouldn’t be comfortable with our children mimicking the words and actions of our leaders, that’s a damning judgement on their character. Voting is one way that we hold our leaders accountable for their words and actions; being able to speak prophetically into politics as they happen is another.

Our vote doesn’t just endorse a platform, it endorses a person. Who we vote for matters.

What We Vote For Matters

Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:37-40 ESV)

As followers of Jesus, we’re invited into a backwards kingdom where the first are last and the last are first, and we’re invited to “do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Taking that one step further, Paul invites us to “look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4 ESV).

Our vote, therefore isn’t only concerned with our needs and the needs of our immediate neighborhood, but also the needs of those that are most vulnerable. Scripture regularly points to specific groups: widows, orphans, those in prison, immigrants and refugees, the poor. Scripture also points us toward being people of reconciliation and justice, which means, in this season, that our vote is also concerned with such matters.

For most of us, this is a reorientation in our voting practice (it was for me!). But this is also an invitation to practice humility and show concern for our neighbor. It doesn’t negate us from personal responsibility, but adds one more way by which we work for the good of our neighbors – and not just the ones that live next to us.

So this is an invitation. An invitation to practice discipleship in our political engagement – to truly believe that our voice and our vote in this season can be a representation of Christ to a world that desperately needs to see Him. Our vote may be private, staying between us and the ballot box (or envelope). But our witness? We don’t get an opportunity to keep that private. That’s about as public as it gets.

A Liturgy for Those Who Are Overwhelmed

Oh Lord,

I long so deeply for days filled with meaning,
with compassionate conversations,
kind words,
slow sips of coffee,
and a moment to sit alone in silence.

But I come to you today as I so often do—
overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed by a to-do list that grows instead of shrinks,
by those who need me deeply,
by financial concerns and work woes,
by the sheer busyness of this one holy, precious life;
I come overwhelmed by how overwhelmed I feel.

And so, I ask You:
Calm these storms, within and outside.
And, if the calming of the storms is not possible,
board the boat with me.

May your presence be near to me today.
May I know your peace.
May I seek and find moments of joy in the chaos.
May I recognize where my gifts would be best utilized,
and be willing to let enough be enough in the places where they would not be.

Oh, that this day would more reflect the human side of You:
The God who, while here on this Earth,
napped,
prayed in solitude,
went away,
and somehow found balance between serving needs and cultivating a relationship with the Father.

May this one, holy, precious life
be paced and purposeful
and may You teach me how to make it so.

An Election Day Liturgy

Oh Lord, long ago the Israelites cried “Give us a king!”
And since then, we have learned the dangers and blessings of being ruled by another.
We grieve a history that speaks to power gone awry;
we lament the history of broken lineages,
of slavery, segregation, riots, and retribution.

We weep over despots who brought the desecration of Your image as reflected in their treatment of Your people.

We recognize and repent of the ways in which we have idolized politics over You,
trusted fallible leaders more than You,
and made the temporary, ultimate.

And yet, we thank You.
For the ways in which You have been faithful despite our forgetfulness.
For your sustaining power to bring us here, to another opportunity to try again.
For the clearer image of You that we see when we come to know one another.

In this age, in this nation, O Lord,
we have been entrusted with the sacred duty
of keeping those in power responsible.
So on this morning of another election, as people prompted by your Spirit to tend to the lives of our neighbors,
socially, emotionally, spiritually, and yes, politically, we pray:

Move us, in our vote, to seek the good of the city in which we live.
Remind us, in our decisions, that You are a God who has called us toward the margins:
toward the immigrant,
those who are disabled,
the hurting,
the poor,
the widowed,
the forgotten,
the destitute,
the sick and injured,
the lonely,
and the lost.
Remind us that You are a God who has told us that that “whatever we have done for the least of these,” we have done for you.

Cleanse us, therefore, from partisan loyalty,
that we may speak prophetically to those in power as ones whose vote must be earned by word and action.

Open our eyes to see reality,
rather than being blinded by our proclivities toward one party or another.

Move us toward your Word,
that we would come to it not wishing to prove our point right,
but willing to be faithful followers.

Help us to see clearly
both our community’s need for us to be a voice for the voiceless,
and our need to put You first, as Lord, and trust Your slow work of redemption.

Make, then, even our ballot box decisions
an instrument of Your grace to Your world,
a part of Your healing of broken things,
a small piece of the legacy we leave,
and a reflection of Your Kingdom come.

Big News!

There have been a lot of happy tears and “woah, God” moments this past week.

After a lot of prayer and application essay writing (like the nine hours I spent, consecutively, in Spyhouse on a Thursday), I’m so incredibly excited to say that I’ve been accepted into this fall’s Doctor of Ministry in Preaching cohort at Northern Seminary. It’s a legitimate dream come true to get to spend the next four years learning how to preach and teach more effectively alongside other excellent preachers – all under the guidance of incredible faculty like Scot McKnight. Here’s a quick rundown of the what, the why, and the how:

Why a Doctor of Ministry?

I’ve known since the start of seminary that I didn’t want my Master of Divinity to be the end of my theological educational experience. For a few years, I processed what this might look like: a Certificate in Marriage and Family Studies, a PhD, a Doctor of Ministry… I landed on a Doctor of Ministry for two reasons:

  • First, I remain deeply committed to the Church. A few weeks back, I published a post about why I think our local churches matter. A Doctor of Ministry degree is the terminal degree for church leaders (though there are many effective pastors with PhDs, and many effective professors with DMins), and my deepest desire is to spend my life leading well in the Church and serving alongside God’s people as we try to figure out what it looks like to follow in the footsteps of Christ in our everyday lives.
  • Secondly, I remain deeply committed to my church. Emmanuel Covenant Church has been my church home since I was fourteen, and being on staff is one of the best experiences of my life. The great thing about a Doctor of Ministry degree is that it is designed to be done while working in full-time ministry, which means that I get to implement what I’m learning right away in my role at Emmanuel.

Why a Doctor of Ministry in Preaching?

So much of my life and career – in and outside of the church – has centered on the value of great communication. I’m so passionate about the power of words and the power of the Word (the Gospel). Simply put, it’s an area that I want to experience focused growth in my whole life, and a Doctor of Ministry in Preaching will give me four years of continued growth and some fun research – like how to disciple better as a preacher in post-Christian America.

But don’t you still have to finish your Master of Divinity?

If there’s one thing my family and friends know about me, it’s that I don’t like to slow down. I have a semester plus one credit left in my MDiv at Bethel, and the folks at Northern are kind enough to let me begin my doctoral studies as I finish my degree at Bethel.

So, if you don’t hear from me in the fall, it’s only because I’m nose deep in papers and reading. Send coffee. 

But wait, isn’t Northern in Illinois? Are you moving?

No way, Josè! I love Minnesota and my church and have no plans of leaving either. The Doctor of Ministry is designed to be done online with one week intensives on campus. So, you all are stuck with me.

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you?

One billion.

The Local Church Still Matters

As a millennial who works for a church, it’s not uncommon for 90% of my conversations with people I’ve just met to be an explanation of their feelings towards the local church. In fact, I joked the other day that a lot of my dates end up with me giving church recommendations (oops).

For some, its that the prospect of going to the local church feels painful – they’ve heard things from the pulpit that have felt more like personal attacks than pastoral wisdom, they feel that the church has taken the sidelines in issues that they should have intervened in, or their experience of church has looked more like political division and less like the Body of Christ. For others, attending church simply feels like one more item for a week that’s already packed with work, kid’s schedules, family needs, or home projects.

Often, the conversations I have with people who have chosen to not attend church result in something like, “I don’t go to church, but I do listen to podcasts/watch the sermon online/get devotional emails.” All of those things are great – I love watching my cousin James preach on Facebook Live from his church in California – but they’re simply not a substitute for plugging into the local church.

I’m a firm believer that, even despite its imperfections (it is, of course, made up of imperfect people in desperate need of a Savior), the local church is critical to our well-being and, at its healthiest, is the best hope for our community. Here’s why the local church still matters:

Spiritual Formation is More Than Hearing Great Preaching

It’s not a secret that I’m incredibly passionate about great preaching – I think that something powerful happens when God’s Word in spoken in ways that make it approachable and transformative for people’s lives – but the church is more than great preaching, and our spiritual formation is more than sermons on Facebook Live.

At its best, the church is the most radical form of community available for us today. It’s a place where people are given an unshakable identity in Christ – an identity that cannot be given or lost based on job title, relationship status, neighborhood, or educational degrees. It’s a place where people are radically generous, unusually forgiving, surprisingly hospitable, shockingly welcoming, and counter-culturally self-sacrifical.

It’s a place where we learn to be the Body of Christ and do the will of the Father – not just on Sundays, but in our workplaces and homes, too.

When Jesus demonstrated the way that we can live into our identity as sons and daughters of the living God – heirs to the Kingdom He had made – He did so with great preaching, yes, but also with healing, demonstrations of unusual community, and a deep sense of identity given to His followers. When we follow in His footsteps, we do so in community with others who, too, are seeking to be more like Him.

Accountability is Our Only Hope to be More Like Christ

Hebrews 10:19-25 reads:

Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

As temptation lurks not on our doorsteps, but on our phone and computer screens, in our workplaces, and in our relationships, the accountability and input offered only by community is one of our primary lines of defense. It is through the meeting of the local church that we are reminded of two important facts: (1) no one is immune to sin, and (2) we can come alongside one another to pray and keep one another accountable to not be beat by the things that could destroy us.

When the Church Meets, It Sends A Message

The early church was brave and countercultural. Their courage to meet in the face of persecution and their involvement in their community – in particular, their treatment of widows and orphans – was second-to-none. The church is just as critically countercultural today.

In a world that is increasingly technologically connected and personally disconnected, the meeting of the local church reminds us that we are created for community. Its meeting sends a message that the faith that we profess is so worthy of investing in that we are willing to take time out of busy schedules and pressing deadlines to come together as the body of Christ. It demonstrates that, in a world in which chaos reigns and headlines depress, the hope we profess is still worthy of being held on to.

Do we believe as strongly in the church’s mission as our brothers and sisters worldwide who risk their lives to meet in basements and dark alleys?

Jesus > Entertaining Messages and Insightful Podcasts

In Kingdom Calling, Amy Sherman quotes WorkLife, Inc.‘s Doug Spada to say:

From this day forward, I would like you to think of your local church as an aircraft carrier. […] It’s only as the carrier arms, equips, briefs on the battle plan, fuels the jet and then launches the pilots out on their mission that they assume their maximum dominion. […] Unfortunately, many of our churches operate like a cruise ship. Think about it, what do you do on a cruise ship? You go to be entertained, you eat a lot, there’s very little accountability. And think about a cruise ship: it goes out, hits a couple points, and comes back to the very same place—rarely advancing forward into new territory.

At its healthiest, our local churches are the primary places in which God’s people receive their mission plan and fuel to launch well in every other area of their life. I’m convinced that without community, accountability, and a deep sense of the value of this place that we call the church, your (and my!) chances of burning out, crashing, or confusing your mission plan only increase.

Have you found a place like this?

Five Things Friday

Welcome to Five Things Friday: Relationship Book Edition! This past week, I posted an Instagram photo in my hammie at Bethel, reading a book on marriage. A ton of people asked about the book, so I figured that interest – in tandem with Wednesday’s post on singleness – might warrant a special edition of Five Things Friday. Here are my top five books when it comes to singleness, dating, marriage, and sexuality (in no particular order, as always):

  • Not Yet Married by Marshall Segall
    I LOVE everything about this book. It starts with a really robust set of chapters on healthy singleness – which is rare in books about dating and so, so needed in the church today – and ends with perhaps one of the best writings I’ve read recently on healthy dating relationships. I also love that this book is written by someone I can relate to – someone who didn’t marry their high school sweetheart or get their Ring by Spring. It’s the type of dating book that you’ll find yourself “mhm”-ing and nodding your head every step of the way.
  • Loveology by John Mark Comer
    I want all of my relationships to align, at their best, to God’s intentions for love and marriage. This book has helped me to do that. I love that this book doesn’t shy away from hard topics, but rather dives in with scripture as the basis. I love John Mark Comer’s grace by which he writes, and the way that he calls the reader back to consider what God’s original plan was and how we can continue to seek that in the midst of a broken world. I’ve re-read it multiple times – and you will, too.
  • Sex God by Rob Bell
    “Oh look, Caitlyn recommended Rob Bell twice in the past week. Heretic.” Some of you, probably. This was my favorite book about sexuality and relationships when I was a teenager (which isn’t saying much because “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and “Boundaries for Teens” sat untouched on my bookshelf until I sold them to Half Price Books this past summer. Sorry, mom and dad.) and it continues to be one of my favorite books today. If you’ve ever heard me use the phrase, “when a woman is well-loved, she blooms like a flower,” you’ve heard me quote this book. The scriptural context in here is extraordinary, the writing style is compelling, and the excellent basis for healthy, Christ-centered relationships that Bell provides is both applicable, helpful, and biblical.
  • Scary Close by Donald Miller
    There are two writers for whom I’ve made the effort to buy every book they’ve ever written – Donald Miller is one of them. I’ve always appreciated his humor and candor, and his vulnerability in this book is no surprise. What was a surprise, however, was how much I needed it. The best thing that we can do to be healthy people in relationships is to really grasp and practice healthy vulnerability. I love Donald’s openness about his history, his struggles in being vulnerable in relationships, his fight against the innate desire to perform, and the never ending grace found within these pages. This book has been one of the top books I’ve recommended to everyone the past two years for good reason. If you read one book off this list, read this one. 
  • Party of One by Joy Beth Smith
    This book on singleness is an essential read if you’ve ever struggled with feeling left out, excluded, unloved, or misunderstood about your role as a single person within the church and Body of Christ. Her stories, combined with excellent work in establishing the biblical basis of God’s heart for and the innate worthiness of single people, makes this book one that I will no doubt find myself recommending over and over.

Do you have any favorite books or resources when it comes to singleness, dating, marriage, or sexuality? Share them below or tweet me at @StenersonMN!

Dating Detox

A few years ago, I took a dating detox. A purposeful time away from pursuing relationships.

I’m not going to lie to you, it wasn’t a flowery year. I didn’t walk around wearing a #SingleLife t-shirt, and I may or may not have downloaded, then deleted, dating apps more times than I’d care to admit.

But it was a necessary time.

Like most millennials, my world is filled with dating – who’s dating whom, who broke up with whom, who found love on Snapchat/Tinder/Match.com/Farmer’s Only (okay, I’ve never met someone who actually uses that site) this week. Bombarded, is probably the right word.

And in a world like this, it’s so tempting to settle for anything just to have something. And, to, be honest, I was tired of doing that. I was so tired of having to convince myself why certain relationships were close enough to perfect.

And so, one night, I decided I was done. Cold turkey. A dating detox.

I wanted to take some time to see what God was saying to me that didn’t come through another person. To see if I was even called to date in this stage of my life. To see if there were more things I could learn alone than in a relationship.

And boy, did I learn. A few highlights:

Singleness is a gift – don’t waste it.

You can waste your singleness really easily. You can make it all about you, complain about it, sit at home, watch Netflix, or spend every second trying to figure out how to not be single.

Or, you can see the gift it is and not waste it. Your singleness frees up time and energy to pour into other people in unique ways that you never can when you’re in a relationship. Volunteer, become a small group leader for teenagers, invest in your single and married friends, give your parent friends a night off… Whatever you do, don’t waste this time.

Singleness is a calling – don’t ignore it.

Not everyone is intended to date. Or marry. I’ve met more than one person who honestly feels called to be single, which I never understood until this season.

There are times in our lives when we are called to be single in order to do the brave or time-consuming work that God is calling us towards. If you feel called to be single – for a season or for life – embrace it. I learned so much in this season that I couldn’t have learned if I would have ignored God’s calling in this area. I grew in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. I identified growth areas that I would have ignored if I hadn’t been paying attention. And I was able to do ministry in a different way than my dating and married friends, simply because I had more time and emotional space.

If this is a season for your singleness, don’t be afraid: trust the love and security of your known God over your unknown fears.

Singleness is a opportunity – don’t disparage it.

To the church and those who have been called to marriage: love the single people in your life well. Jesus and Paul were both single, so to set up marriage as the pinnacle of the Christian existence is a common way to burn out the single people in your church and in your life.

To the single people: celebrate your singleness and the unique opportunities it allows you. Take this time to identify your attitudes towards singleness and make them healthy. Embrace this season – even if it’s reluctant white-knuckling – and see what God offers here, too.

If you’re single, I pray that this time, for you, is a season of growth and encouragement. And I pray that if it doesn’t always feel that way, that your community can come around you and love you well. From one millennial to another, let’s do dating better: starting with our single selves.